Thursday, December 1, 2011

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt



(Rip has asked me if I'd post for him today...)


Some terrible things have been happening at my house lately.


This poor bear lost his nose.  
3 times.  
Mom kept fixing it, because the small human likes it - but the nose just kept getting torn off.

This poor bear also lost his tail.  Mom fixed that, too.



Then the small human's favorite stuffed cat lost its nose.  

He was quite upset, as this cat travels with him whenever he goes on a plane.

Here she is on a bus in London.  That stupid cat gets to go more places than I do.


But I digress.

Yes, these terrible things happened.  Stuffed animals were mutilated in my very own home.

And can you GUESS who got blamed?

Me.  Rip.

Can you believe it? 

I live in America.  Aren't we supposed to be presumed innocent until it can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that we're guilty?  (Am I right, Lawyer Penni?)

So let me give you reasonable doubt...

In her eagerness to blame, my mom forgets is that my brother Ziggy has torn things up, too.  

How convenient.

Do you remember this?


This poor bunny lost his nose before I was even around.  

Just look on this very blog (click here).  See?  The blog post is dated 2009.  

I WASN'T EVEN BORN YET.

This was my brother Ziggy's fault, and I say he did in the bear and the cat, too.  Exact same wounds.

And look, I'm a great, calm, well-behaved dog.  Here's photographic proof:



See - Sleeping sweetly.  Not tearing anything up.

Oh, so "it's just one photo" you say.  Well, here's MORE proof:


Fast asleep.  No stuffed toys visible anywhere.

And MORE:


A dog cannot be more asleep than that!

So there you have it.  
I'm innocent.  
Nobody can prove I would tear things up.


Oh that doesn't look good.  But I'm not tearing.  I'm helping.  
Yeah, that's it.  Helping my mom unpack her suitcase after a work trip.  

It proves nothing.


Yes, the shoe is torn up, and it appears that my mouth is on it.  
But look - there's a human hand there - I was framed.


Yes, I have a naughty smile on my face and I'm standing on the remains of a sponge.  
But I'm not eating it.  
I just happened upon this crime scene.  Still no proof.


Ok, well, this doesn't look good.  
I was getting ready to help my mom clean the house?


Another picture? Caught in the act? Drat!

Does anyone still believe that I'm innocent?

Anyone?

please?

3 comments:

  1. Dog on the back asleep = best kind of pic in the world. Have you read The Art of Racing in the Rain? Very good argument from dog on why he would tear up stuffed animals.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It could all be circumstantial........ ;-)

    Jimmy always chewed the plastic nose/eyes off of any toy first! I now make sure there's no plastic parts. I have really been lucky with both boys. After the first year, all that sort of naughty (albeit cute) behavior stopped.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry I didn't immediately heed you cry for assistance, Rip. I am done with the Bulletin and able to assist. I would say without testing stomach content and taking DNA swabs at the time the incidents were discovered, all evidence is circumstantial, there is also another likely suspect. I expect you are in the clear, but if you need assistance, don't hesitate to woof.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...